Nag #1 - Xombee Guy

Premise: The Morning Nag started on my 6:30 am drive into work. It turns out that I shouldn’t listen to the news, ingest caffeine, try to figure out why my pets act the way they do, or think about why my dishwasher isn’t working on my morning commute. I started this blog to work out some of these issues. Brace yourselves.

Mission: To pester the bejeezus out of people or institutions that I find frustrating, hoping to nag them into forthright action. No one is safe. No one.

Today on The Morning Nag we have Xombee Guy, America’s most loveable zombie, star of the hit webcomic of the same name. My purpose is to nag his creator, Mark Gosson, into continuing the webcomic past his self-imposed, arbitrary deadline of one year. I mean, come on…

TMN: Xombee Guy, welcome. Thanks for coming on the blog.

XG: Blog? McDuff told me this was a job interview. I’m going to kill him. Hmmm – I bet he tastes like mutton and haggis.

TMN: Ah. Yes. So, you were once a human, correct? And then you became a zombie?

XG: Yes. My rebirthday is coming up in May, 2013.

TMN: What kind of changes have you noticed since your…transformation?


XG: My skull used to cover my whole head, for one thing.

TMN: Interesting. I never thought of hair loss as a particular issue for zombies.

XG: Skull loss. It’s completely different.

TMN: Right. And I understand that since it’s hard to find steady work, you had to move back in with your mother?

XG: No. I always lived with her.

TMN: Let’s talk about the webcomic. Your creator, Mark Gosson, couldn’t be with us today—

XG: He’s got a full-time job. How nice for him.

TMN: Some of the funniest parts of the webcomic deal with your search for gainful employment. Talk a little about that.

XG: Let’s just say I have a problem with standard corporate America.

TMN: Such as…

XG: Snacks. In the breakroom.

TMN: Snacks.

XG: Right. The only snacks that I can eat in the breakroom are the people in the breakroom. It’s discrimination against the differently living.

TMN: Well. That could be a problem. So you’ve been working as a temp?

XG: That’s right. Ice cream truck, camp counselor, the mall jewelry kiosk, that sort of thing.

TMN: What kinds of things would you like to do? What’s Xombee Guy’s dream job?

XG: For one thing, I think I’d be great at crime scene cleanup.

TMN: Why’s that? Oh. Wait. I get it.

XG: You’re a quick study.

TMN: This is my first interview.

XG: It doesn’t show.

TMN: Your webcomic has been viewed by thousands of people in over 50 countries. That’s an amazing track record.

XG: South Sudan is still holding out. Not sure what their problem is.

TMN: So what will it mean for you when the strip ends? What’s next for Xombee Guy the zombie?

XG: I haven’t really thought that far ahead. Why worry about something so far off?

TMN: Hold on, now. My understanding from your creator, Mark Gosson—

XG: I find that term offensive.

TMN: Creator?

XG: Yes. Certain schools of thought would argue that I have always existed.

TMN: I like your optimism.

XG: You’re a jackass.

TMN: Aaaaaaanyway, Mark Gosson has indicated to us that he intends to end the strip after a few more episodes.

XG: Wait. What?

TMN: He planned a limited run, just to see if the concept would catch on. I think he’s moving on to other things. I hear he’s writing a book. Isn’t that great?

XG: The strip is ending?

TMN: Let’s talk about the Fly, your venerable and loyal sidekick—

XG: No one told ME the webcomic was ending. Shouldn’t I have some input?

TMN: The Fly follows you everywhere you go, right? Like in episode 49—even in the shower.

XG: It’s because I’m not technically alive, isn’t it? No need to ask the ZOMBIE if the webcomic should end. Of course not. Even more discrimination. Do you have the number for the ACLU?

TMN: The Fly’s here with you now. Can he take a question?

XG: You’re an idiot. I’m going to have words with Gosson. The strip ending. Over my dead body…

TMN: Well…that was fascinating. Thanks again to Xombee Guy for agreeing to guest on our blog. We wish him all the best that life has to offer. I mean, death. Undeath? Hang on…

You can follow Xombee Guy on Twitter: http://twitter.com/xombeeguy

And find him on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/xombee.guy

Check out past episodes of Xombee Guy at http://xombeeguy.com - it may soon be all you have left if this Nag fails...but consider: the more fans he has, the longer he'll stick around. Nag with me, folks!